If Mr.ABC were to be The First Citizen of India

The presidential elections are roughly a month away..come 18th july n LO! We’ll have our next PRESIDENT smirking at us from the sidelines,rubbing his/her hands in glee..eagerly waiting in anticipation for the election results,,which of course will be a mutually agreed upon one..(by THEM)..after all..they WILLNOT let the “aam admi’s” money go waste..which they are so lovingly n tenderly wasting(oh!no!spending judiciously..??!!)on hosting lavish tea parties ,luncheons,dinners and what not ..for..~bow ur heads humbly~ madamji……,,~salute~mayaji and the other etcetera etceteras………..

Now,since we are going to be presented with a brand new president….very soon..I’ve been a bit of a bad girl~shruti!pardon me for using the g-word..~ and done a peekabo into the future..~~holds ears but refuses stoutly to do any sit-ups~~
So! I present before u a few teeny-weeny glimpses/snapshots of what these prospective candidates will be like as Mr.First Citizen of India.

NOTE:Though not in a very optimistic frame of mind at present..I am strictly focusing on the “brighter side” of each candidate’s PRESIDENCY(??!!)

MR.AMITABH BACHCHAN:
(Though in all probabilities out of the presidential race…..BUT u never know…!!)
I started with him coz well…..(No! m not going in an alphabetical order!)…….he’s from BOLLYWOOD u see..a lil bit of song,dance n drama is always the right way to start any …err….SHOW…

Yes…so if Mr.BigB were to be president,,ah! Need I talk about the “brighter” side…..?!it’s going to be be bright bright bright all the way…….sample this:

Mr.B’s oath taking ceremony:

v A star-studded function where all the big-wigs (and the small wigs too) from the industry will put up their rocking performances..*THE BEST* will of course be “kajra re”….and Mr.President will himself grace the dance floor(yessum!! There will be one……..what were u thinking??!!)…by shaking a leg(or two..)
v Oooooh! Never has any president ever taken the oath in that “to-die-for-baritone”…...quips Ms.bollywood buff_seen bigb’s every movie 16 times…..

Next morning’s newspapers will have full page pictures of Aishwarya Rai..preening away to high glory..(But she is not the president??!!OH! c’mon……..she’s the President’s “bahu”..!!)

Mr.BigB’s first republic day as president:
v Mr.B n his BROTHER and BOSOM-BUDDY Amar SinghJI(sorry sir…for ignoring u …till now..but I like to save the best for the last u see..)will SHARE the salute.They will hoist the flag…TOGETHER-TOGETHER~click~
v Bollywood sond n dance numbers*of course*
v The president’s address to the nation will begin with excerpts from MADHUSHAALA(oh! The to-die-for-baritone…!!)….followed by a vote of thanks to Amar SinghJI and then…….ah! the rest of the mundane stuff about country,,,people etc etc….

~~dear reader(if any …heh heh … apart from shruti,arpita,bhanu,meet and abhishek….)don’t cry FOUL please……I am not being “mean” to chota B…..he is concentrating on his career right now,,,,,,BUT after say 10 yrs he’ll TAKE OVER as President …. He’ll definitely carry foprward the bachchan legacy…~~

(much as I wanted to focus on the “brighter side”…….i cant resist the temptation of giving u this piece of bad news……srk will NOT be invited for the oath taking ceremony…~haw!!HAW!!~….but take heart….he can purchase a pass on his own n attend the republic day parade…..)

MR.SOMNATH CHATTERJEE AND MR.PRANAB MUKHERJEE:
v The Rashtrapati Bhavan will be “cleansed’ of all IMPORTE(eeeeeeeks!!)D filth..(like furniture,fittings,food items etc etc…I mean everything phorrrrrrrrrrren….)
v Wall-Mart will NOT be allowed to carry out their “nefarious activities” in our country.
v All-an-all…..we will revert back to and cherish the spirit of Swadeshi……and “touch-not,see-not,feel-not,talk-not,consume-not”anything phoren.
**hail the spirit of swadeshi**

MR.MOTILAL VORA(ah! The blessed one...):
v First and foremost we actually get to know “who” Mr.Vora is…….
v For any issue or decision of national importance…..Mr.President will solve all problems in a jiffy wid a lil bit of hocus pocus n voodoo-ing……
v The Rashtrapati Bhavan might be renamed Puttaparthi Bhavan..~oh! C’mon….at least Puttaparthi(sort-of) rhymes wid Rashtrapati~~
v AND!! The icing on the cake…..PAAN-FARMING ON THE RASHTRAPATI BHAVAN…….howzzat??!!

MR.SUSHIL KUMAR SHINDE(the self-proclaimed “saada” man…..):
Read the background story…..n I needn’t say anymore…………………………sarvadharmasamabhav.....eh?
Had a flashback….decided to archive it lest it gets lost in the plethora of anecdotes we have to share.Though of course..on the face of it they seem amusing~already in stitches shruti….?.ah!u must’ve guessed what am going to talk about from the title itself~…..”they”….refers to these “anecdotes”..yet…if we think of the orgy of DOUBLE-FACEism we as a nation are suffering from..they are enough to wipe off those thoughtless grins off our faces(or double faces,shall I say?).Oh!The anecdote……hmmmm….here it is..In one of Baba Ramdev’s camps~~see mamma!!Baba’s on my blog!!God bless u for calling me/forcing me that day to watch that particular telecast of his camp~~ somewhere in Maharashtra…”honourable” Mr.Ex-C.M. Sushil Kumar Shinde had been invited as the guest of honour.Swami Ramdev spoke first..on sarvadharmasamabhava..n of course whatever he spoke…was from his heart and made sense too.But then!He invited Mr.Shinde on the dias…..Oooooh!I must say this..though it is a bit of an understatement,,still,,I’ll try__that was the most heart-rending,thought-provoking,tear-inducing and moving homily I ever heard on sarvadharmasamabhav….It began with how Swamiji has been propagating sarvadharmasamabhava(which is true)……then lo!! He jumped to jaativada and all jaatis are equal and jaati this and jaati that(which is a bit ahem ahem…were’nt we talking about sarvadharmasamabhav….Mr.Shinde…??oh! tut!tut! u ignorant child! We lily white politicians always do that…..glibtalk and blufftalk our way to high glory….right??)n then….!! He began his pathos-filled story of how he was/is a dalit…n how despite his being a dalit…..”iss Maharashtra hi janta ne ISS DALIT ko saraaha,support diya,pyaar diya…aur C.M. BANAYA!!…and it went on and on and on….DALIT DALIT DALIT……ME A DALIT..ME ADALIT..ME A DALIT..I mean! Can u digest that??He begins with..sarvadharmasambhav…very cutely n conveniently forgets that….n jumps to jaativada……n talks about how we should not discriminate against any jaati and that they is no such thing as jaati…… and all jaatis are equal…….and after having said all THAT….he harps on the love n support given to “ISS DALIT”(……this dalit that means my dear inglissssss babus n angrezzzzzzi mems……)…..or if I remember right…..”isss bechare dalit”…..~~stop flaring ur nostrils shruti … n bhanu…u can stop shaking ur head now……the story’s over…..feel bad about subjecting u both to this torture the second time over…~~How dastardly!!(Mis)using a yoga-camp and a divine concept like sarvadharmasamabhav….for …we all know what…Err…why this entire discourse…on Sushil Kumar Shinde??(He is one of the candidates being put forward by Congress to be the next President-for those who came in late.Though there has not been much news of his candidature lately)Well…..i had to answer ur question(about why I was “AFTER” s.k. shinde)..Mr.Mittal no.1……..………..signing off……….”SHINDE”ed for today……Kanchan
Posted by Ignited Indian Minds at 7:45 AM


MR.V.P.SINGH:
v AH! Well…….he’ll manage THEM “somehow”… PRESIDENTIAL DUTIES I mean *what else…!!*……….moreover…..someone (now this isnot some ill-informed hapless land-tiller in some wayward n remote area …this is an “educated” someone..who is vieing for that coveted MBA tag…..n calls himself a very-well-informed-can-never-go-wrong-with-“facts”-person.)actually tried telling me that the present president…Dr.APJ Abdul Kalam(pulllleeeeeeeezzzz not “abdul kalam azad” for god’s sake) does nothing other than visiting schools n presenting roses to school kids..(!!)….now if that is true….surely….Mr.V.P.Singh is “capable” of handling (n not bungling)that lil bit of rose giving n visting……m sure…..*tho…ahem ahem….will the school kids..?...well…that’s a different issue altogether..!!... ;)*

MR.VEERAPPA MOILY(mm…..the crème d’la crème)
v Err…the brighter side had I said…??Err….well……guess our mums will never have to crib about the milk not being “creamy” enough……~sigh~

MR.SHIVRAJ PATIL:
Noooooooooooooooo!! Who said that he has been “not-too-successful” as a Home Minister………
Atleast he dresses better than so many of these “potential” candidates.

MRS.PRATIBHA PATIL:
v Hmmm….. a woman candidate….so what if she’s politically affiliated,,,,n that they are considering her as a rebound option…..
v OOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!! I found this on wikipedia……..”Champion in Table Tennis during college days and won shields in Inter-college”(yes PRATIBHA PATIL……)

she’ll be a sport of a president I tell u….a real sport…will pander to all THEIR whims n fancies…….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~curtains fall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SEE!! The “brighter side” …..isnt it bright??
I wonder what the not-so-bright-side will be like…….
Any guesses ……anyone??

……..signing off……
KANCHAN ……an ignited Indian mind all set ablaze……